"Puttin' On The Ritz"
(Parody Version)

Have you seen the well-to-do having sex like me and you?
They're afraid of STDs and unwanted pregnancies
The AIDS scare's reached it's apex
But who cares? I want my safe sex
You feel that way too? Then the Ritz is the rubber for you

If you screw and you don't know who you do screw
Why don't you use the brand that fits
Puttin' on the Ritz

Girls, you'll see, will be receptive
They don't want the contraceptive pills and kits
If you're puttin' on the Ritz

Other brands? Well, friends, you can't compare theirs
When you can wear the brand that Fred Astaire wears
And the Care Bears

It's a glitzy, ritzy condom
Worn by even Stephen Sondh'm who admits
To puttin' on the Ritz

You won't need no diaphragm to trap her
Just slap your Mister Happy in that wrapper
And you'll look dapper

With your playmate you will get much more play
She'll help to put it on you during foreplay
At work or play

Keep a few right in your wallet
If you do then I can call it quits, that's it!
Puttin' on the ritz